Friday, March 4, 2011

so I'm a worrier...

I'm a worrier...I'll admit it flat out.  I worry about all decisions, from the most important to the most ridiculous.  Before Zep started pre-K, I emailed all my friends to see what sort of lunch box they would be buying their children.  This made complete sense to me then; I didn't want my child to bring in the really uncool lunch box and be branded forever as "silly lunchbox boy."  Big decisions are even worse.  When I made my first car purchase, I clearly remember sitting in front of the salesman crying as I signed all the papers.  They definitely weren't tears of joy.  They were, "oh my goodness, can I really handle this much of a payment for 5 years!!!"  Sleep is lost, time is spent researching things to death, and in general, I'm a nutcase.  Hubby sometimes hears so much about my worries over things that he begins to tune me out.

Currently, we are in the middle of making a big decision that will drastically change the dynamics of our family. A series of two sentences spoken between a friend and I over a month ago at a girls' weekend has, in the last two weeks, turned into a whirlwind of upcoming changes.  Hubby and I have talked about homeschooling the kids for a couple years now.  Our goals for our children are pretty simple.  First and foremost, we want them to go to Heaven.  And secondly, we want them to have a solid education that opens the world to them.  They currently attend a Catholic private school that we love, and if our pocket books were deeper we would probably continue to keep them there.  To reach our goals for our children, we've decided the best option would be to keep them home and school them ourselves.  Plus, we would love more babies!  More babies = more money.  Private school = no money.  My engineering education may not be doing much for me today, but it did enough for me to know that more money does not equal no money.  So, the decision has been made.  I am a soon-to-be homeschooling mommy!  Who woulda' thunk it??  I'm beyond excited!!!  If you run into me, be prepared to hear about it.  I think I'm bursting at the seams!!

But remember, I'm a worrier.   And, oh my has it begun!!!  To sum up just a few of my worries:
  • which curriculum??  Seton, Mother of Divine Grace, a mixture of classical?????? 
  • to teach Latin or not to teach Latin?
  • how many extra-curricular activities should I enroll them in??  I don't want them to be recluses.
  • how in the world am I going to manage teaching high school?
  • are these dang kids even going to listen to a word I say?
  • am I going to ruin them?
  • if I ruin them and they're not smart enough to go to college will they blame me??
  • if they don't go to college will they be able to get a decent job???
  • if they blame me and don't have a decent job, how will they pay for their years of therapy??
  • .....
Can you see where this is going?  And of course, EVERYONE has an opinion!  Which is fantastic, and then well, not so fantastic.  You see, just yesterday morning I thought we had it all figured out.  Seton Home Study it was going to be...we were on board to sign up in just a month.  And then I sat down with a group of seasoned, Catholic homeschooling, veteran mommies who shook up my world!!  They had a wealth of knowledge, none of which included a Seton curriculum.  One of the mothers even had her 15-year-old daughter in tow...who was AMAZING!!  I mean, really, how often do you meet any teenager that speaks with perfection, is completely comfortable among adults, and praises her form of education?  I walked out of our meeting feeling even more overwhelmed.  After worrying for another 24 hours, I think I'm finally back to having made a curriculum decision, but who knows what worries tomorrow will bring.

God continually surprises me with placing people in my life during these times who always say the most appropriate things.  These are what will get me through the worries of tomorrow:
  • "Anxiety and worry are not of God."
  • "Stick with what you know."
  • "Heaven not Harvard"
  • "What grade will you be teaching next year?"  "Then that's the only grade you need to know."
  • "Opinions are like armpits.  Everyone has one and sometimes they stink!"


Mary said...

Visiting from Catholic Mothers Online...Welcome!
That is a huge decision, but it sounds like you're going about it the right way! Is there a big Catholic Homeschool Community where you are? When we were in SC, we had several Catholic friends who homeschooled, and there was a Catholic elementary school at the church.
Good luck!

Matt and Emily said...

When I read your blog I misread the title and thought it said "So I'm a Warrior..." I realized my goof, but after reading about your upcoming adventure, I think it's a typo and you meant to say "warrior." You are awfully brave to take on such a big task but it will be so rewarding. I'm rooting for you. Good luck!

BlessedMom said...

You're so sweet, Emily! No warrior here, that's for sure! Just holding onto the coat tails of my Lord to get through. Only time will tell how succesful it all is! It was great seeing you last week by the way! Sure do miss seeing you.